You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
