summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
