Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
