Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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