I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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