She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
People in love make me want to vomit
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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