The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
