And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
