She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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