i just had sex bonerless
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
and you fell through a lawn chair
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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