last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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