So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
