your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
