If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize