thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
