you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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