to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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