You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
