Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
