so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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