shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
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