sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
