Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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