I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i think i have two assholes
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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