What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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