talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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