Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
