Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
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You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.