barbara walters just said penis...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I told you penises don't tan
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.