I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
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he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine