I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?