Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?