the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
as a side note pls kill me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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