I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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