i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
