she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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