If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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