Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
