hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
they need to just BURY HIM!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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