Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
