You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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