remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
