Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
last night I used snow as a chaser
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