In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize