I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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