I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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