Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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