You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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