Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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