I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
