I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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