Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
