Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
