is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
