Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
