I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
