i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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