Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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