3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
