i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and she was petting her beer can
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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