you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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