so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
