i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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