drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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