it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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